How to Pass as Human by Nic Kelman

Author:Nic Kelman [Kelman, Nic]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-63008-243-7
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Published: 2015-10-20T04:00:00+00:00

11. INTOXICATION

As you know, humans require sleep to reset their brains every twenty-four hours, and it is important you simulate sleep for some amount of time every day if you want to pass as human. What will not be immediately apparent is that most humans also like to disconnect large pieces of their cognitive machinery while still conscious on an almost-daily basis. Most often it appears they feel this need because they are not capable of forgetting events that make them unhappy.

Some events that may cause a human to drink alcohol:

• too much work to do in too little time

• loving someone who does not love them in return

• loss of loved one

• a sudden loss of more than 10% of their collective monetary value

• loss of a competition by a group or person they wanted to win

Interestingly enough, they also drink alcohol to celebrate events that are the inverse corollaries:

• completing a significant amount of work

• learning that someone they love loves them in return

• birth of closely genetically related offspring

• a sudden gain of more than 10% in their collective monetary value

• victory in a competition by a group or person they wanted to win

This use of alcohol to enhance celebration, I believe, is directly connected to its role as an amnesiac. Using it when they celebrate allows humans to forget any events they do not want to think about, thus helping them focus on the one they wish to celebrate.

If someone asks why you are drinking, any of the above reasons are valid, but be sure to appear happier than usual if you are celebrating and more depressed than usual if you are not.

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